Here is an amazing person that I met recently. He was so inspired by my speech that he wrote me this letter and poem. You have got to read this!
My name is Adam Caron. I spent seven years of my childhood in the foster care system. There were many times when I sat locked in a dark room for days at a time, sobbing and pleading to just go home and be with my family. Granted things weren’t great where I was from originally, but at least I had a family that cared about me until foster care took that away. My hatred consumed me for a long time and throughout that time my anger was the thing that kept me going. I might have just ended my life otherwise.
I met my real father when I was seventeen and a half years old and I accepted him into my life, probably because it was the only hope at a real family that I had left. I aged out of the system at eighteen and moved seven hundred miles away to where my biological father was living, otherwise I would have been homeless at eighteen. I left Nevada behind but I held onto the anger and the hurt. The transition to adulthood was rough and eventually I decided that suppressing my emotions would be the best way to “grow up.” I mistook burying my past for getting over it. A couple years have passed and things have turned painfully monotonous and most of the time I find myself going through my day with a sense of disorientation and confusion.
Last week I attended Camp To Belong Nevada for the seventh year in a row. As a youth in care, Camp To Belong was a haven for me, a place where people cared about me and I could forget my life in care for a little while. I continue to go back and volunteer each year. This last year, we had a guest speaker named Derek Clark. I wasn’t particularly interested initially, however within ten minutes I was completely lost in the story. Derek spoke shamelessly about his life in care and the story hit so close to home at times that I could feel the emotions that he must have felt in those situations. When he finished speaking, I felt a sense of clarity and self awareness that I hadn’t felt in two years. I had suppressed my hurt so much that I had forgotten who I was and how I really felt.
Following the speech, Derek asked all of the kids to write a rap or a poem about anything they wanted to write about. I sat in the room watching kids write and reflecting on everything that I hadn’t thought about in two years. I picked up the pen and let everything that I had suppressed surface.
I owe Derek Clark a thank you for helping me rediscover my feelings and helping me to understand that those feelings and emotions are a part of who I am.”
RAGE by Adam Caron
Some say rage is no way to live your life,
It will destroy you, devour you from the inside.
I remember not so long ago, there was a time
When rage was the only thing that kept me alive.
Locked in a room, screaming at four walls.
An animal in a cage with nowhere to crawl.
Isolated and alone with no one to call.
Most of time spent wondering if anyone cared at all.
One dream shot down after the other.
Beat down relentlessly blunder after blunder.
Afraid that I would never again see my brothers
And hoping that my mom still knew I loved her.
Years and emotions faded away.
I bit the bullet, bit down on my rage.
I counted the time day after day,
Refusing to die and refusing to beg.
Promising my self that they would never break me,
Only growing stronger from the rage they gave me.
Not what they expected, but I am what they made me.
Indestructible from the torture I endured daily.
They took my childhood and stole my humanity.
There were even a few time they almost took my sanity,
They stripped me of a lot of things even my family.
They murdered a child and created a calamity.
But I took my rage and I stole my freedom,
Decided to fight even if I never beat ‘em.
Telling me I was worthless and that I need them,
Little did they know, they were going to take those words
And they were going to eat them.
