Someone once asked me if foster care was a positive path in my life, if I would consider the experience a valuable one? I remember looking at them, thinking of all the things I have experienced while growing up, and remembering all the love and lessons I have learnt. My reply to their question was simple yet I couldn’t have explained it better. I simply replied, “I was gifted, I was given incredible foster parents, and without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”
Most people have the tendency to believe that foster care is for the ungifted, the children who for some reason were not given loving families. It is my belief that foster care is a child’s chance to have a loving family, a chance to make something of themselves with the power of love. I cannot explain how I feel without detailing my experience, so I do this in hopes that my story will open up the eyes of all those people and children out there, which believe in a chance to make something of themselves, a chance to be loved. I can honestly say I never wanted to be a child in care; I never wanted to not live as a normal child would live. I most certainly did not want to live in a group home, or a foster home for that matter, because before my experience in the world of care, I didn’t think anyone could love me like my family. Wow, was I wrong.
The Queens Health Region of Child and Family Services of Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island became a part of my life in October 2000. I was only 14 years of age at the time and was scared because the world I lived in turned completely upside-down. Everyone, besides my sister and brothers, were strangers and all I really wanted was my mom. After finding out that I could not return home, I was told that I would be placed in a group home, a place I knew as a home in which a child went when they were in the wrong. I could not understand what I had done, and although many people tried to explain to me that is was not my fault, the only thing I could think of was, “well then why am I here, and not with the people that love me?”
I spent 4 months in the Euston Street Group Home, and I met some of the most interesting people there. I made great friends behind those walls, ones I still love and care for today. The staff was incredible, and although their short shifts didn’t encourage a family environment the kindness from each of them made one feel safe. My experience within the group home was ok, although my spirits had dropped and my will to live became small. Some would say I jumped on to a rollercoaster that had no where to go, but down. I wore nothing but the color black, make-up as thick as plaster, and I believe I achieved every color of the rainbow in my hair. Blue had to be my favorite I was such an unhappy girl, and it showed.
After a long and hard search for a foster home, I was told they had finally found one. And that is where my journey into foster care began. My worker took me all the way out to Bonshaw, Prince Edward Island, which believe me after living downtown Charlottetown, felt like the middle of no where. I was petrified to think of how I was ever going to see my friends or my boyfriend at the time. But after meeting Catherine and Don Avery, although really scared, I decided to give that country home a chance. And a chance it got. I lived behind their walls for three years of my life, and everything I am today I owe to not just myself but to them, for pushing me, encouraging me and supporting me. That country home became my home, and that family became and still is my family.
Foster care was a rollercoaster itself. There were good times and bad times and believe me, there were times when I thought I was trapped forever. Being in care is not easy. There are many eyes that are watching your every step; like whom you talk to, where you go, and who you hang out with. “Guilty by association,” that’s what Catherine used to always say. Everyone seems to know everything about who you are. It feels as if you have no privacy and when you are a young teenager it can become very irritating and annoying. Which is why many children do not like social services and why many children have, what they call horrible stories to tell. I am not saying the system is perfect, because can anyone truly define perfect!
The foster care system has things it can improve on from what I saw through my experiences. For instance how they approach cases. Children are being taken away from there homes, safe or not safe, it is still the place that they called home and most children don’t know anything else. Not having mom or dad around and living with complete strangers is not fun and very scary and unfamiliar. Going into care should be treated as a large process. Foster parents should get to meet with the child a few times, get to know them a little, possibly spend a day with them, or go out for dinner with the worker present. It will give the child at lease a chance to establish a bit of trust before they live with the people. Better house inspections need to be done too, more information needs to be collected about the homes, the child should be aware of how things will work, what the rules are going to be like. A worker is like a parent to a child in the beginning. Most children that come into care have lost trust in those they have always trusted, so they no longer know what to believe, so therefore the moving in aspect of care could be improved and increased recognition of safety and knowledge would be beneficial to the child.
There are also many things that the system would like to improve on, but they don’t receive enough government financial aid and social workers don’t make enough so they are always switching jobs. Having a new worker every couple of months was the most annoying part of care. I had to meet and get used to so many people, and how is a child supposed to trust in someone as much as we need to trust in our workers, if we barely even know them. Although social services tries hard to make children feel like they are not a number, there are many things that make us feel like we are simply part of a system, another number, another child to raise till they are 18 and then send them on there way. I remember mileage was a huge thing, especially living all the way out in Bonshaw. Gas is expensive, and I know that now, but children don’t realize that. Children need to have access to activities and school events, etc. The amount of mileage foster parents are given, is ridiculous. Catherine and Don many times went over there mileage to keep me out of trouble, because they knew that keeping me busy would help me to succeed. I was lucky! Children in care need to keep there minds off bad things, because when life isn’t good, drugs and alcohol is usually where they will turn.
The system also has a lot of things that are great for children. They have the ability to get a child active, involved in fun worthwhile experiences. I was a very fortunate child going through care, I had great workers that fought to get me a lot of things to keep me busy and because they did that, I am a BETTER person! I had professional singing lessons, performed in my high school band, took saxophone lessons, I was even president of Bluefield’s Students Against Drunk Driving chapter which included a lot of fun activities and plenty of gas money. Most of my funds were paid for by child and family services. The workers they gave me were great people, the foster home was amazing. I had access to an amazing psychologist, got to work with a incredible woman from victim services, had a great lawyer, and I even received the best foster family around. The system changed my life! Mind you I had to play a big part to get all those things. I had to be GOOD! *Laugh Out Loud* which believe me was something I did not want to do a lot of the time. But care is like that. The child has to make an effort to obey the rules in order to get privileges and above all trust from workers and from their foster parents.
Catherine and Don Avery worked very hard to make me realize that life was worth living, that even though the world is such a big scary place, I could make it on my own. They taught me what love really is, how to take the support I was given and use it to achieve my passions. They taught me that boyfriends come and go, but that family and friends are for a lifetime. They taught me how to love me, and to accept the fact that I was loved. They gave me their family; a new sister, a new brother in law, two beautiful nieces and a handsome nephew, even a grandmother and aunts and uncles, to which I owe much of my happy experiences to. The love they gave and still give today, is irreplaceable, I would not give it up for anything.
With the incredible support from this entire family, I eventually started wearing colored clothing, I kept my hair more natural looking, I became smarter in school, and I achieved my passion. In June 2004, I graduated with honours, and hoped on a train that took me all the way to Ottawa, Ontario which is where I pursue my Post-secondary education at Carleton University, as a Bachelor of Arts Honours Major in English. I live in my own apartment, work as a Pharmacy Technician, and I have made so many great friends, and have experienced moments that will stay with me forever. I am achieving life.
But I could not have achieved it alone, I owe so much to all those who loved and supported me through my entire journey, and to those that still support me in my journey to come. I know when I return to PEI, on its rare occasion, that I have a place called home, a place that has accepted me as part of the family, even to this day. The Avery’s have proven to me that I am not just a number, a profit, or a job, but that I am a person that they love and care for. They are my guardian angels, I would not be who I am today without their love and support. Thank you Catherine and Don Avery for everything you have given me!!! I love both of you with all my heart!
Now that you know my story, you can probably understand why I feel the way I do about foster care. But the way I feel and the way other children feel, is all based on experiences. Child and Family Services and Foster Parents are given the chance to give little ones, lives. They are gifted individuals who have the love and support to give to children. Children need to know that someone is there for them. Foster Care gave me the chance to be what I want to be! To be the best that I can be, and succeed life to its fullest! I have never been happier in all my life, and I owe a lot of that to my foster care experiences. Now even though the life of a student is not financial free, and money is always tight, I stay happy and meet my ends. I know now that I have plenty of family, friends and I can’t forget to mention my great boyfriend, who keep me smiling, but not just smiling…Sparkling!
I simply want to say “THANK YOU,” thank you to everyone that has come in and out of my life. You have all touched my heart and experiences in a very special way. To each worker, thanks for being great! To everyone in the social services offices, thank you for all your help and support and for giving me the best foster parents ever. To my case lawyer and to Victim Services, thank you for your time and help. To all my friends, all through my life, even to this day, thanks for being there for me. And thank you God, for keeping me, my family, my added family, and my friends, safe and protected. I love you all!

BEFORE / AFTER

My Favorite quote: “A hand is a hand, a face is a face but what lies beneath cannot be replaced.” – Author Unknown